Heresy Corner: Fifty Shades of Grr (via sexisnottheenemy)
This entire article has to be read, because it is fucking awesome.
—BB
(via fuckyeahsexpositivity)
(via fuckyeahsexpositivity)
consent and communication. those are the big ones. honestly, I think that a healthy kink relationship requires the same elements that a vanilla relationship does; however, since kink relationships are in some ways heightened versions of vanilla relationships, those elements require heightening as well. for instance, I think that kink relationships require a higher level of communication, specifically about the sexual/physical nature of the relationship, just because the physicality is so much more intense (and potentially harmful/dangerous if the communication isn’t there).
Most folks assume that kinks are always a sexual thing, but that is not so! A kink, by definition, is something that curves, bends, or twists. It is also defined as a personality quirk. The slang definition means a deviation in sexual behavior, or taste.
Many asexual spectrum folks find themselves with kinks, and sometimes it can make them feel bad about themselves, or question their asexuality. Often, they will get bullied because people will forget that kinks are not inherently sexual.
Asexual kinks are just like any other, and range in what they are, from hands, to gore, to food! They are diverse.
A problem that can often come up for kinky asexuals, is finding a partner to participate in their kinks in a non sexual nature. Remember that if you are a partner of an asexual person, and they want to be kinky with you, they get to define the experience. Develop safe words and safe signals to use with them, and have open and honest communication about the experience. Ask them if they feel comfortable, would like you to stop or change anything. If they say “no more”, don’t push them. Even if you get turned on by doing something with your asexual partner, don’t bring up sex to them unless they have said it’s ok to do that. Respect that their asexuality and kinks co-exist, and do not exist for your sole pleasure.
If you are a kinky asexual, feel free to add on with your comments and experiences, and your advice on the matter.
I’ve said before that the difference between a D/s relationship and an abusive relationship is consent. Likewise, I’d say that, in my experience, consent is also the biggest difference between “fantasy” and “real life” BDSM.
Before accepting that I’m a sexual submissive, I’d make up a lot of stories/fantasies where I was kidnapped, captured, kept as a slave, made to do things against my will, etc. In these fantasies I would always resist and fight gallantly, but of course would end up succumbing to my captor. Looking back, I think I used my non-consent and resistance in these fantasies partly to atone for the fact that being controlled turned me on.
Of course, I still think the idea of being kidnapped is hot. But of course I wouldn’t actually WANT to be kidnapped - unless it was by Sir, of course. ;)
(Source: feministepiphanies)
(This isn’t about me being raped, really, just to tell people who know me not to worry)
Last weekend I had an experience for the first time that disturbed me a lot, and it was actually with someone I care about.
I’ve hooked up with a sort of fair amount of guys, and none of them ever made me…
