Scottish and Italian, with Turkmenistani and Iroquois (Tuscarora) a couple of generations back.
How the heck is virginity a social construct? I’m confused, but thanks for the suggestions
Well, think about it this way: what do people perceive as making you not a virgin?
Is it breaking a hymen? Well, that doesn’t work, because hymens as we think of them don’t exist.
Is it being penetrated? With what? Are tampons the same thing as having sex? Isn’t virginity supposed to be about sexual experience? What about masturbation? Am I no longer a virgin if I penetrate myself? If my partner uses their hands? What if my partner doesn’t have a penis? Am I forever a virgin if I only have sex with women? So that doesn’t work because it’s so impossible to pin down.
Is it penetrating something else (for people who don’t have vaginas)? What? Is it just a vagina? What if I’m a gay cis guy who doesn’t like having anal sex and only ever gives and receives blowjobs and handjobs? Does that make me a virgin? So that doesn’t work, either.
Is it having sex? What counts as sex? Some people count blowjobs as sex and some people only count PiV sex as sex. And a whole lot of things can give you an orgasm. So that doesn’t work, because there’s no one sex act for everybody that defines virginity.
So not only are those ideas about virginity complete and utter bullshit, let’s look at the societal expectations around it:
Virgins are innocent and don’t know about sex. BULLSHIT. People who are virgins can know just as much about sex as a person who’s had it.
Guys have to lose their virginities as soon as possible; girls need to hold on for it for as long as possible. BULLSHIT. Not only is that a huge double standard on its face, not only does it ignore QUILTBAG and nonbinary people, but why is it shameful for guys to not have sex and shameful for girls to have sex? That’s severely fucked up.
Losing your virginity makes you lose something. BULLSHIT. Lose what? It doesn’t make you lose any inherent value and it doesn’t change you as a person at all.
And the really big one: virginity is the only thing that matters in your sexual development. BULL. SHIT. Why is there no word for someone who’s not a virgin? Why don’t we place just as much emphasis on losing our virginities as we do communicating with our partners or masturbating for the first time or any other number of things that are just as important in a sexual relationship as the first time having sex?
The fact is that virginity is an outdated construct that placed value on women for their bodies, because in a society where property passes from father to son, it is more important for the women to not bear illegitimate children than it is for the men not to create them. Therefore a virgin could be guaranteed (in theory) to only bear her husband’s children, as opposed to a nonvirgin, who could possibly be pregnant with some other guy’s kid. This is sexist bullshit.
For the record, that’s why I use “sexual debut” instead of “losing virginity” where I can. Because you can decide when your sexual debut is and doesn’t rely on heteronormative ideas of sex, your sexual debut can be anything you want.
How many rape threats do I have to receive before you do your jobs? 10? 20?
As a victim of rape, your lack of any attention to this matter is appalling
and fucking ridiculous.
Well, here are some links for you, as well as the link to the person’s new
Threatens to rape and murder me.
Throws slurs against black people, makes rape threats out to be a “joke”.
“Funny” rape is okay on tumblr, apparently.
Rachel being transphobic and leaving the new name of her blog
21fatstreet.tumblr.com so that you can ban both.
Rachel threatens to rape a completely different person, but it’s okay, because it’s just LOLZ.
Rachel links to her own stalker behavior and rape threats, claiming that all of this is okay because it’s just JOKES and rairaichu should be banned for calling me a nigger.
These are only the rape threats against me that I could manage to go
through. THE RAPE THREATS GO ON FOR PAGES AGAINST ME AND OTHER PEOPLE UNDER THE GUISE OF “A JOKE”.
HOW MANY RAPE AND MURDER THREATS ARE OKAY, TUMBLR?
* * * * * * *
Signal boost the shit out of this. Report these shitstains to firstname.lastname@example.org and email@example.com. Rape and murder threats from a white person to a PoC is no fucking joke, and this chick is posting any personal information she thinks she can get, while claiming that the intent to rape me is a “joke”.
I am not fucking standing for it.
changed links to current url, also current url of this person is chchikadee
I support women-only spaces. I support trans-only spaces. I support spaces that include both women and transwomen. Why is this such a controversial statement? Women who were born women and transwomen who were born men have different experiences.
tl;dr: WHY IS ANYONE WITH A UTERUS VOTING FOR ROMNEY/RYAN
Last April, I had sex with a man for the first time. It was an amazing experience with a man, who I thought at the time, was amazing. From that moment on, my sex life grew tremendously. That was about a year-and-a-half ago and right now I’ve had about 15 different sex partners. Now, that statement in itself is fine. There is nothing wrong with having one sex partner your entire life or more than 100. I, personally, do not care who sleeps with who, how they sleep together and how often they sleep together as long as they are both of sound mind to consent to the sex.
I’m a very sex positive person. I’m always ranting about how people shouldn’t be afraid to be sexual,whatever that means for them. However, at the forefront of sex positivity, I believe, lies concerns with psychological and physical safety. Throughout my entire sex life, I was not psychologically safe. I had a lot of one-night-stands that, afterwards, put me in very dark places. My self-worth and self-esteem plummeted.
If we look at why I had sex, it wasn’t for good reasons… to me. I was having sex because of my constant need of approval from other people, my low self-esteem and self-worth and my need for high-stimulus interaction which is primarily caused by my ADD. So, as the number of sex partners grew, the number of positive sexual encounters plummeted. I was having meaningless, emotionless sex and I didn’t enjoy it. Again, for some people, this sort of sex is fine. For me, it wasn’t.
About two months ago, I began ADD medication. I instantly felt the affects in various aspects of my life. I’m more organized, my attention span has grown and I don’t desire sex as often as I once had. I’ve actually gone about three weeks without sex. This is the longest “dry spell” I’ve had in over a year. And, I’m perfectly okay with that. I’m a lot more stable, psychologically, and I don’t have a desire for anyone’s approval anymore.
So, for me, having a lot of sex and pasting on the label “sex positive” was just a way to justify the psychological damage that I was willingly and, most of the time, knowingly putting upon myself. But, just because I’m not having sex and I’m going out on dates and really trying to get to know people doesn’t mean I’m not sex positive.
Sex positivity means having the decision to have or not to have consensual, safe sex with anyone of my choosing without fear (or care) of being shamed by anyone who thinks differently.
Being sex positive is subjective.
This post makes me really happy and I am so glad that you wrote about your experiences and I totes support you. I feel like a lot of people with ADHD/ADD don’t talk about the way it affects their sexuality/sex life, but it totally can!
I agree with what you’re saying about sex positivity. I’m curious what you think about how to respect other people’s sexual autonomy while still acknowledging that sometimes people have sex in ways that are harmful to them and they don’t always feel comfortable admitting that to themselves or anyone else.
When you masturbate and then take a short nap afterwards. You’ll wake up feeling completely refreshed!
In 30 years observations, Jane Goodall never saw one rape among the chimpanzees, our closest primate cousins. Though it’s not possible to draw firm conclusions about human behaviour from animals, Goodall’s findings, and many other recent studies, get us questioning the old myths we have about rape. One of the most persistent myths about rape is that male biology and primitive male sex urges drive men to rape. But current information indicates that rape is more a learned act of sexual violence that comes out of social beliefs that men have a right to dominate and control women. The fact that rape is learned means that we can work to change the underlying beliefs and eliminate rape from our communities.
from truth about rape
wait people say that rape is natural what????
Come off anon if you’d really like to know :)
So, I recently was working as a teacher’s assistant for a summer program helping 8th graders transition to high school. The students occasionally had to attend lectures, including one from the vice-principal and another from a person who worked with a non-profit. The former was basically just going over the rules of the high school and telling the students how to “keep out of trouble,” while the latter was focused mainly on how to recognize bullying and sexual harassment and what to do about it.
Both lecturers told the students that “sexting” is a bad idea, and they both made the same argument as to why in almost the exact same way. The basic structure of the argument goes as follows: “If you sext someone, eventually they will break up with you, and then out of anger they will inevitably send your picture to everyone, and you will be incredibly upset. The only way to prevent this from happening is not to send pictures of yourself.”
I strongly disagree with this framework. I think that it’s possible to both warn teens that sending pictures of oneself is risky (preferably with actual data on what those risks are!) while also encouraging teens not to forward pictures without permission. Furthermore, I think that this entire approach to sexting is missing out an opportunity to talk about the actual texting side of “sexting” as a safe way to explore one’s sexuality.
God, no. Jesus fucking Christ. Liberal all the way.
Here’s a little post explaining why I don’t:
(That’s my personal.)
Absolutely. Almost all female-bodied people have this to some degree, although in most, it’s barely noticeable. Chances are, neither is yours - we all overanalyse ourselves :)
Unfortunately, I can’t recommend anything that works for me, because my breasts are exactly the same size and weight (I had a plaster cast taken!). However, there’s one inexpensive Amazon resource you can use, tailor-making bras to different cup sizes if necessary. If there’s not a cup’s difference, then padding should work for you. And if anyone’s bothered by it in bed, then why bother with them?
Askbox always open for advice.